Trusting artists
On being a woman. And lower class. And what’s known, un-affectionally, as a multi-hyphenate
So, I do lots of things for work. If you were to look at my LinkedIn page, it says I’m a writer, director and dramaturg for theatre. Which sounds, if not simple, straightforward enough to grasp. Though if you scroll down further on the same page, you’ll see I’m a university lecturer.
I have a friend who’s undertaking a national apprenticeship to be a coach, and she has to meet a certain number of hours to gain her qualification. She offered to coach me over the Summer and I gladly accepted, opening with
‘I know my problem is that I have a number of diffuse goals.’
She said, ‘You don’t have to explain yourself to me.’
Which was nice to hear, but always sort of surprised me. Because I always feel like I do need to explain my choices.
I'm 26, and flush with pride at having a short play I've written produced for the first time. After this event, a literary manager I admire comes up to me and says 'well, you know, you can't be a writer and a director. You have to pick one job.'
I don’t write another play for ten years
I'm 34 and having a meeting with a female producer. She asks me what I do, and I say that while my primary focus is directing, I would like to write, and I often end up producing my own theatre work by default. 'Ah, that's because women often try and do too much.'
Now I feel like a bad feminist for working in different disciplines.
It’s the point in the pandemic, when you're able to meet one person for coffee. I’m with a friend and he's talking about a friend of his, a male theatre director who’s struggling, and he says 'ah, but he's not like you, he only directs, he doesn't teach or do dramaturgy.' I say -
'What makes you think that's a choice, and not economic necessity?'
He said
'Oh.'
The first two, basically implanted self-limiting beliefs within me, that took a lot of time to recover from, that last, involved the perpetration of a myth.
I'm tired.
A system is created whereby it’s not possible to specialise in one job role and maintain oneself financially, but where people are judged for not being able to do so.
Honestly, the day I realised that no one was making it work, that most people had remote PA/ cafe/ bar jobs they weren’t talking about, or didn’t need to do that, was a revelation. It was something I really hated when I first started out (when NO ONE talked about the bullshit jobs they had) so I always made sure to mention temping or my bar work whenever I worked with actors.
And I am aware, that I’m actually doing quite well. It still baffles me that I have money to go for a cup of coffee, every day if I so wish. The coach I’m seeing asked me, ‘what does success look like to you’ and honestly, it’s that. No savings, no hope of ever owning my own home, that ability to go sit in the sun with a cup of coffee, weather and work permitting.
But I still wonder, what would have happened if someone had just accepted what I said about being a writer and director at face value, and encouraged it?
As an industry, we’re very bad at not trusting artists and professionals, when they tell us what they need. Not giving someone a job because they’re overqualified, as the applicant cries bitter tears, because regardless of their qualifications, they chose to apply the job, and usually for good reason.
4 years ago actress Michelle Williams accepted an Emmy acceptance speech for her work on Fosse/ Verdon, and in it, she praised the producers and makers of the drama.
‘I see this as an acknowledgement of what is possible when a woman trusted her to discern her own needs, feel safe enough to voice them, and respected enough that they’ll be heard.’
She then lists a number of things that she asked for to perform this role – more dance classes, voice lessons, a different wig – she heard yes, and while acknowledging that these things cost more work and money, she was trusted that she knew what she needed to do her job.
‘When you put value into a person, it empowers that person. ‘
(Seriously, you should all go find this speech on YouTube, it’s amazing.)
What would happen if we believed artists when they told us who they were, and trusted them when they told us what they needed to do their job?
I’m so very glad you explained that I could read this! And I’m even more glad that I did. It reframes my comment celebrating the renaissance woman when that is borne of necessity more than desire.